Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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