Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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