wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
