so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We have started to decorate penises.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
