i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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