Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
How does one acquire holy water?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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