my mouth tastes like poor choices
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
