At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
