i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she told me i tasted like america
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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