just tell him i said nine months
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
