I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
