I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
