Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Randomize
