I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
