whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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