Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
How external is "for external use only"?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
