I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
That was an excessively violent trivia night
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
