STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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