Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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