shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Randomize
