Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
