At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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