OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize