____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
