Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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