My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize