I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
