If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
