So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
