I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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