I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
