I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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