this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
