well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize