I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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