You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
