Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I need water and some morals
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