maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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