You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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