You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
