and you said cock pushups were impossible
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
