you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
