Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
