it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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