There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
