No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
