He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I lost the right to judge tonight
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize