you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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