I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
