Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
