the condom got lost in my hair
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
