Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
