Pappa wants mamma naked
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I could fuck to npr.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
