god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
