i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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