The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
