I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize