There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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