He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I pour the whiskey from now on
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
