I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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