Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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