the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
