Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
