you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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