what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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