I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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